Asking Small Talk Follow-Up Questions When You Have SAD

Asking Small Talk Follow-Up Questions When You Have SAD July 17, 2019 Social Anxiety Disorder Overview Symptoms & Diagnosis Causes Treatment Living With In Children Reza Estakhrian/Taxi/Getty Images Follow-up questions are an important part of the conversation. Without follow-up questions, you and your conversation partner will end up asking and responding to a series of questions without ever talking in-depth about any particular topicâ€"which will feel awkward. Follow-up questions keep the conversation moving forward and allow for clarification and elaboration of details. However, if you live with social anxiety disorder, asking follow-up questions or even making small talk in the first place may feel uncomfortableâ€"or downright anxiety-provoking. While you work on your social anxiety with the help of treatment, use the tips below to also brush up on your small talk skills. Having this list of types of questions ready will give you confidence and help to reduce the social anxiety that you feel. Steps to Asking Follow-Up Questions Small talk generally starts with a conversation about topics such as the weather, family, work, hobbies, and other interests. There are two ways to get another person to talk: by asking yes/no or open-ended questions. Yes/No Questions Yes/no questions require only a yes or no answer from your conversation partner. These questions often start with words such as would, should, is, are, did, do, etc. Did you watch the season finale of The Voice last night?Do you go to church on Sundays?Do you like to travel? Open-Ended Questions Obviously, you can see how some of the above yes/no questions would lead to a conversation. However, you can also lead your partner deeper into topics by asking questions that take a bit more explanation. These questions take a different form, beginning with words such as how, why, what, and where.   How many siblings do you have?What do you do for fun on the weekend?How do you like being an accountant? Whether you begin small talk by asking yes/no questions or open-ended questions, you will want to ask follow-up questions to further the conversation. 10 Best and Worst Small Talk Topics Follow-Up Questions If your conversation partner responds that he did watch The Voice (or any other show) the night before, follow up with a question to obtain more details: Who is your favorite judge on the show?Who do you think is going to win? It is best to choose a topic that you know a little bit about so that you can follow the other persons response with your own point of view. If the person responds to the open-ended question by saying that he has one sister, some potential follow-up questions might include: Where does she live?What does she do?How often do you see her? When thinking of follow-up questions, the following keywords can be used to build upon: Who?What?How?  Why?  Where?  When?  Meaning?  And?   Once you are in the habit of asking follow-up questions, it will become easier to generate them during a conversation. Remember, though, to always listen carefully to what the other person has to say. Only formulate your question once the person has finished speaking because what he or she says will likely affect what you ask next. One way to do this is by practicing active listening, in which you listen as though you might need to explain what the person is saying to someone else. If something doesnt make sense or you dont understand it, ask for clarification. Practicing Active Listening in Your Daily Conversations Reading Between the Lines Through Follow-up Questions Sometimes during the conversation, the other person will give you little pieces of information that hint at what he or she wants you to ask about next. A person might say something like I have been working as an accountant, but Im not sure for how much longer. In this instance, consider asking follow-up questions  that help you to clarify what the other person is thinking: What do you mean by that? or Why do you think that? Use these when you feel the need to understand the other persons point of view or how they are feeling about a particular topic. This is particularly helpful if the person has dropped hints about a deeper meaning than the actual words he or she is saying. More Tips for Follow-Up Questions Show interest and encourage the other person to speak by smiling and nodding during the conversation.Keep up-to-date on news, entertainment, and sporting events, so its easier to ask yes/no and follow-up questions.Interject with statements like Tell me more or Sounds interesting to encourage the other person.Offer sympathy and support, rather than asking for more details, if someone discloses something personal such as a recent death in the family or a divorce. The person may just want to explain his situation so that you know why he is not acting like himself. Leave it up to him to decide how much to share.Dont be quick to jump in if there is silence. Allow the other person time to respond and dont interrupt. How to Socialize More Easily When You Have SAD Genuine Interest When you first start making small talk, you might just be trying to make yourself and the other person comfortable. That is when there is often quick back and forth of yes and no type questions. It is when you start to become genuinely interested in what the other person has to say that the conversation takes a life of its own. Soâ€"focus less on getting the details of asking follow-up questions right, and more on becoming genuinely interested in the other person. A Word From Verywell Use these tips when you find yourself needing to make small talk with a stranger or someone you dont know well. Remember, even though your socially-anxious self may seek perfectionâ€"this shouldnt be your goal. Instead, picture your end goal of making a new friend and see the question-and-answer process as a necessary step in building that friendship.